Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Peer Review WA2 - Melvin
After I read Melvin's writing assignment 1, I found that it is quite logical and organized to me as I understand what he is trying to express in the essay. After reading the introduction paragraph, it gives me a rough idea on the background of nuclear power reactors and he chose very-high-temperature reactor to argue. From paragraph 1 to paragraph 2 there is no transition used. In this case, there is no direct link between the two paragraphs. As for paragraph 2, I think there is necessary to rephrase the sentences again and the structure is not in correctly done. In paragraph 4, there is no solid evidence to support the main idea thus the argument is not so strong. Overall, there are few grammar mistakes which need to be changed and some of the referencing is not properly done. This writing assignment is much better than the first writing assignment. Good Work!
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Thanks for your valuable feedback on my essay. I will add in transition word for each paragraph so that it helps readers to understand more clearly what i am discussing. Thanks also for pointing out my 2nd paragraph are not well organized. Due to limits on word count, my paragraph 4 is cut short and I believe that is the reason the supporting evidence is not strong to support the main idea. I will take note of the errors you have pointed out and make amend for my final essay together with proper citation.Thank you for pointing out my mistake.
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